Fight for this love, no?

I can't say your name and you're the only person that knows why.

You like to ask about kawen and stuff and most of the time im actually asking myself, why are u telling me this.

Seems like that I brought that card of urs to class everyday (coz i placed it in my file).

But thanks for sending me the cards though.

Random msgs when ur bored? its definitely not cool.

Whenever, you don't know what to reply, you escape with an lol.

And yeah, we don't have that much in common anyways. What do we usually talk about?

u dont even reply my emails. ego?

yeah, guys.

so, i stopped sending them. well maybe i sent like 2 or 3.

Yeah. I care. Well, used to. I stopped.

maybe still, a lil bit.

and yeah, you apologized. but sometimes, people just go too far.

I don't get it. I just don't.

It's probably just not worth it anymore. I have realized that. I should.

Ok, time to start writing my fantasy love novel now.

What Doesn't Kill You, will only make you Stronger.

I can't believe it's almost the end of the semester.

Based on a true story...

two more finals and i'm done.

before that,

i remember it was a Thursday, the 26th to be exact.

i got a call around 1pm, i remember it being around zohor time.

it was my sister, crying. i was like what? she couldn't tell me what had happened and I had a feeling it was gonna be bad news. *pause*

she tells me she something and i was like what? and then passed the phone to my cousin.

my cousin calmly tells me the bad news.

Tok Ayah had left us. suddenly. so suddenly.

Studying so far away, this is something I was never mentally prepared for.

I just try to not think about it so much as it makes me so sad.

no more calls asking me how school's goin.

Allah loves him more.

That same day, I got the news that I had to the 421w lab all by myself, the whole semester because of a mix up. that just broke me into pieces literally. i was like begging Dr Sillman to let me team up with 2 other girls, so make it a group of 3. and he simply declined. he told me the labs are meant to be done individually, but since there's like too many students, he pairs them up.

and so the tearworks started. i still remember that very day. it couldn't get any worse.

he told me, people have done this before and you'll do fine ( i can't really remember his exact words but sumthin like that) and the TA, Monika,whom i bother like a lot, said, "This will make you a better person. It will be worth it in the end,". hmmm.

Note: Believe in yourself. (even though at that point, i was too depressed to do so)

Some of the experiments lasted the whole lab session. and since i was doing it alone,it usually takes me a long time! i'm usually the last to leave most of the time. i mean, i try not to be, but most of the time, I can't help it. it was depressing seeing the other groups leave early. but what was i to do, that was life.

there were times where i would get stinky results and i would have to write them on the board.

there was this one time where Dr Sillman said, "oh, someone's gotta change to the liberal arts major". OUCH! i focused more after that and my results got =) after that! See below: oh before i put down my numbers, he was like "Lucky num 13". haha. yeah. he likes to say random stuff like that. :)

After all the hard work of trying to put together a poster all by myself, here it is * proud* hehe. after 8 hours of cutting and glue-ing, this is the finished product. not bad ey?

So he asked me some questions , and i stuttered at first, even i didn't know what i was talking about at first but i got a hold of myself.

he did ask me this though, do u miss having a partner?

i just answered no. you get used to it after a while.

People who went around to see other people's poster came by mine and asked me if i did all by myself. yeah. i did. i managed to go thru the whole semester doing the experiments all by myself.

how i did it?

hmm. Allah knows best.

at the end of the lab session, i asked him

me: what should i do with my poster?

Dr Sillman: i can keep it here i u want. it's a good poster. ( yeay)

then, he added

me: yeah, sure. for the future generations to use.

Dr Sillman: i'll call it a non-winner poster. ( ouch!, there was a winner for the best poster)

me: well, i'd call it an independent poster. ( i think its gramatically incorrect but i think he knew what i meant)

Dr Sillman: I will tell them this was made by a student who said she couldn't do it on the first day of class. ( which was true)

Me: yeah. but i made it through.

Dr Sillman: ( to my classmate) did u know that she got (....) on a test?

My classmate: oh, you're one of them? lols.

point is, despite all my negativity in the beginning, i managed to overcome this. it made me a better person in the end. more independent. more confident. no partner drama. just me myself and i. my project was quite easy, Alhamdulillah. other people were still struggling with it even near the deadline.

I got back my manuscript today. It wasn't that bad after all. i don't have to re-write it. yes!

Alhamdulillah, everything turned out alrite in the end.

Always believe in yourself. Allah is always there for you. And he knows what's best. patience.

Dr Sillman, can I get my A now? pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee ? :)

What a long day!

November 28 2009 was the last post.

today its the 9th of December. it's been a year.

and a lot has happened.

i wonder why i stopped blogging. nothing to write about? just got lazy? or no one to read it?

anywho,

maybe its time i jotted sum stuff. for fun. just coz i feel like it. its fun to sometimes do stuff when u just feel like it. like watch 3 korean movies on the weekend just before an exam on Monday or having a bag of m n m's without feeling guilty about it. oh well..

i'll tell u a bit about the unfortunate day of yesterday. i wanted to print out some pictures for my poster presentation for my 421w class today so i went to CVS to print out the pics on glossy paper. i put the pics in my hardrive coz i couldnt find my stinky pendrive. and guess what? it can't read my hard drive. so i would have to come again. i met my friend on the way to IP, and she gave me her pendrive. i was like aaaaaaaaaaaa, thank goodness! so i now i needed a computer to transfer the pictures! aha! let's go to the public library! and so i went. but u needed a password or a library number to log on. So I went to the counter and said " I just needed to transfer something real quick" and the librarian was like, "Are you a visitor? " , i was like errr?? " Do you have a library card?" she asked some more. " errr, no". ok then, i'll log you on after i help this lady. woah. so she logged me on. and guess what? i dunno what windows they were using but it couldn't read my hardisk. so i said thank you and went to find a computer lab. the nearest building was the engineering building and might i say, being the first time i stepped foot in that building, it was creeepy!

and i couldn't find a stinky computer lab.

so i had to walk uphill in the freezing cold to the Willard building.

and transferred the pics. good. now, got to get them printed.

i decided to go the CVS downtown instead.

and indeed, there were like 3 people ahead of me waiting to print pictures and i was trying to catch the bus!!!i was like , you have got to be kidding me!

so i walked back to the original CVS near the CATA bus stop and finally printed the pics there and at that time i was wayyyyyyyy to late to go to my BMB 400 class. hence, my first time not going to that class this semester. quite an accomplishment,might i say? oh wait, my second time. oh well.

and i took my math 004 exam, and being all too confident, i got the first question wrong. note to self: sometimes being overconfident is an overkill. and i checked like 5 times! takpelah x de rezeki. insyaALLAH, dpt A! :P

next post on what happened today just because i feel like sharing it :)

Who am i to you?

I know. I have had a lot of online friends in the past. Define online friends exactly. People who come and go as they please? People just there when they need someone to talk to and literally disappear? People who find you when they are bored or have nothing better to do?? If I'm a SO-CALLED friend, then why do they leave? What's real and what's not? The feeling of being used sure does suck.

Well, this one goes out to you people my "online" friends...

WHO AM I TO YOU?
Am I real to you or just plain invisible?
Do I bring u joy or just a load of trouble?
Am I someone that you can really trust?
Or take away the friendship and turn it into dust?
Will you be there for me when I’m sad and blue?
Or will you be a stranger and run away too?
Am I just the companion when no one else is around?
Simply pushed away when get what u want
and disappear without a sound?
Am I just an “online” friend or a real friend to you?
Tell me this, and tell me now, coz I haven’t got a clue
My social life is “online” and it shouldn’t be like so
But who am I to talk to when there’s nowhere else to go?
I’m a great listener but I also like to share,
But maybe I’m a Nobody and thus I should not care
About what this friendship means to me
Deep down inside you is not the same as what I see
To appreciate a friendship with understanding and honesty
That indeed is the ultimate key
Sometimes I tend to, go and bother you,
But then I just tell myself, this is too good to be true,
I don’t want to be that person, who you find, when you have nothing to do
Or just entertain me out of pity; is the last thing I want from you,
In the end, I just want you to know that I do have feelings too;
Even if, I’m not real to you.

By: Hamizah Ruwaida Hamzah
7.50 PM EST 22 NOVERMBER 2009

elmo

Elmo is making me happy! I seriously feel like a kid again! =)It was so worth the 40 minute wait!!! lol

stranger or friend?

Someone once told me that sometimes, it's easier to tell your problems to a stranger. Maybe coz u have like no strings attached so you can simply pour your mindless heart out. And I see some truth to this actually, based on my own experiences. I mean, I may not be a pro about all this heart and soul issues and etc. but hey I'm not sucha bad listener. Haha. I like to listen to people's problems and stuff and supposedly give the advice they need to hear, as a friend. Or if the person is a complete stranger, just a shoulder to cry on.But sometimes the advice giver can't even find the perfect advice to give herself. And she turns to other strangers for advice. Sometimes, we are in a state of denial, wanting to believe what we want to believe and not believing what's real. And sometimes, we just want people to listen to our problems or at least try make us feel better by hoping that we did the right thing. But would they give us the definite answer? I doubt it. It's like asking your professor to answer a freakin hard problem and he only leads you in the direction but doesn't give you the answer. And the truth is, we should turn to Allah for guidance because Allah will lead us in the right direction, insya ALLAH. And we should turn to Him first for support when we need it the most.Not a stranger.

Dear you

Each time I say something I regret

I cry I don’t wanna lose you

But somehow I know that you would never leave me

Ironic, it seems. Ironic seems to be my current word or something.

A video, made from scratch that you finally got to see…

A poem, from the heart, not something I would write for anyone

I even carved your name in the snow, now tell me how many people would do that for u?

And you tell me I photoshop-ed it. Pfft. As if. I was shivering in the freakin cold!

Good thing I didn’t spend time composing you a song. That would just be the icing on the cake wouldn’t it?

No.

I haven’t forgotten.

I’ve tried to forget. But it’s so much easier not to remember. Seriously.

Dear Hurt, it’s Time to pass you by.

Dear Pain, No more tears to gain

Dear Happiness, I say hello to moving on

Dear you, hope you’re happy with the choices you’ve made in your life.

I need to get a life.

Whatever that means.

Period.

a final goodbye to MJ

"Michael Jackson is dead".
I received that text on the morning of 26th of June (25th June in the US) from my mom. I couldn't believe it. Like everyone else in the world. A shock. He was supposed to have his final concerts soon. I quickly logged on to the internet to find out the truth behind this one sentence.

Michael Jackson, I did a presentation on you for my music appreciation class. There's only one King of Pop and that's YOU. As many have already said, no one can hurt you any more. Stop the pathetic allegations and lies. Kinda emotional, I know. How much crap can a guy take, right?

A memorial service, singing his songs. As if, they were celebrating the passing of an icon. But they claim, they were celebrating his life.

We celebrate your songs and through those songs, will you live forever. Let's heal the world and make it a better place.

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart.

May you rest in peace.

My beloved cousins and I watched Transformers 2 today at Cineleisure, Damansara. And it was pure awesomeness. So much action in one movie! For those of you thinking of watching, I think its a DEFINITE watch. Action from beginning till end. Action. Romance. Comedy. With caramel popcorn, just sit back and enjoy the war between the autobots and the decepticons. For those of you who have never been to Egypt, the autobots will take u there! a 10/10! I do wonder what college it was filmed in. hmmm...
What are you waiting for? Go get a ticket for the next possible movie, people! cheers~

for the love of BUNKFACE

I was just too tired to type this all out yesterday. Owh well.. here goes...

20 June 2009

I have never been to a gig before. The vision of a gig, I get from watching kami episodes and the movie on Youtube. So, yeah, there was an ad on tv about a FREE concert called "Rockaway" by One Buck Short and friends;Bittersweet,Couple and all these other indie bands. For the love of one particular song by Bunkface, Situasi, my cousins and I decided to evade this so-called free concert and see what the fuss was all about. It was supposed to start at 1 pm. Yeah.Rite. How about 2.30 pm?

To add to my vocabulary, from my first so-called concert I learned some new terms;" mosh", people who mosh are moshers, which are basically people in a circle, or the"wall", moshing or more like pushing, bumping and hitting people while listening to screamo songs! Not my kind of music and I was telling myself," oh come on.. enough already". I asked my cousin, " mmg cam neh ke?" and she just nodded. Way to go culture shock!

The lead singer of a band, fresh one I guess, since my knowledge of the indie world is very superficial, Medusa was clad in a white t-shirt, kinda cute with "rolling r's" in his opening speech, saying.. " ourrrr songs arrrrrrreee hardcorreee" and "let's startttttttttt". Bottom line is, me no likey hard core coz everyone goes mad, i tell ya!!

Songs by the band couple are quite listenable. Certainly a crowd go-er. I only know one of their songs though. Maybe, they should have their own spot on the air.

Stuff I learned:

1. Beware of ur belongings.
2.Everyone wears black.
3.Do not try and get out of the crowd when the band is moving on to the next song. Move when they are changing bands.
4.People PUSH! My cousin was even slapped.
5. Stay away from the MOSH PIT if you don't want to die!
6. "Hard-core moshing" is brutal.
7. Don't wear new shoes!
8. Be prepared to sweat like crazy.




Dinner was at TGI, pavi.. a scrumptious burger with fried mac and cheese.. yum yum...

It's funny how I was youtubing and I found a clip on moshing and concert survival which I should have read wayyyy sooner! put on some jeans, a black shirt and converse shoes, and be a part of the crowd.And they should provide more rubbish bins coz the place was a mess! Come on la people, civilized dah kot!

Last2, x den tgk si bunkface neh ha. pnat je berpeluh. The only thing was awesome we were in the second row, so our view was not a view of an ocean of sweaty heads. Not bad for a "first" concert ey? So, yeah, I didn't get to see bunface belt out situasi after all, which was a bummer because that's the only reason I went there in the first place. ONE BAND and ONE SONG! But I guess, it's the experience that counts after all... for the love of bunkface ... haihs.. =( and I guess, my view on the indie world is kinda different now. Maybe, they should get more recognition after all. My first gig/concert.. owh yeah. =)

p/s: i hope tok mak is getting better~ love u lots!

sorry,dear

I woke up.

What happened now?
There he was. On the floor.
Maybe, I should say no more.

I was scared. Petrified even.
I was freaking out.
I just wanted to scream and shout.

I checked for a pulse. Was he alive?
Was he going to survive?
Will he make it through?
I fret, not knowing what to do.

It was 3.30 am in the morning.
Awoken by this terrible tragedy.
It's dark .The cuts and bruises, I cannot see

He looks okay.
I am scared for the worst. Let's not go there.
For,I do really care.

I picked him up.
Cradled him a while.
Gave him a smile.
Telling him it's going to be okay.
Today, and every other day.

At least, I hoped so. Really hoped so.


I'm sorry for what happened.
I hope it never happens again.
Ever.

And I didn't know what to expect this time.

He seems fine now.
I hope it stays that way
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.



I hope you're okay my dear.
Don't give up on me now.
It's only been a year.
I need you.
I really do.




Maybe I should save up for MAC, just in case =)

"Sounds like you've been very lucky though"
Very!!

*still freaked out* 5.47 am

kurma daging

Alas, its cuti sekolah time meaning kenduri, kenduri... and more kenduri
The one kenduri I want to highlight is the one of Hafidz and Hafidzoh in Changlun. yes.. same spelling, with a 'dz'. Every since I read the wedding card two weeks ago, I told my mom I wanted to go this one particular kenduri.
To find your true love, and soulmate with a name so close to yours, not something you see everyday is it? So cute =) Hope they live happily ever after~
Finally, they served kurma daging(a fav and a expectation at most kenduris') yesterday at both kenduris'. I just prefer kurma daging to kurma masak hitam. Nothing personal. Haha.

Ah, my current listen. Bunkface-situasi.. playing on repeat..I know.. I know.. its not a current listen BUT this song is really getting to me...

Dan bila kau menghilang

Musnah la, musnah impian

Tuk menggapai bintang

Terangi hidup ku

Ku mahu kau tahu
Engkaulah, destinasiku

Dalam ingatanku...

Disitu
Mengharapkan sesuatu yang baru

Itulah impian aku

Ah, the lyrics...
Till next time..

Al-fatihah

I wrote this a few days back when I first found out what had happened. But only decided to publish it today.

I read my friend's words on ym. Shocking news at 1.30 am in the morning.I didn't want to believe it. But, it was there. Written in plain black and white.
I was just too speechless.

How can a trip end up in such tragedy?
I barely knew him but I, too can feel the pain.
I can't imagine what his family and friends are going through.
May Allah give them strength. Be strong, my friends.
Reading the messages people are posting on his wall.. makes me even more emotional.
He was even coming back to Malaysia in a few days, even... rase terkilan sangat.

Allah indeed loves you more. Al-fatihah to our friend, Nublan Zaki Norhadi.
May you rest peace. Amin.

heh

i don't get what heh means.. i know its like huhu.. but it annoys me in a way.. hahaha..
dil, this one goes out to u!
=)
cheers~

footie~ 2-0

I don't think I'll ever fully understand the fascination that keeps fans on the edge of their seats during a Live football game. But if you ask me what football team I'm rooting for, I'd haf to say the Red Devils, Manchester United. Probably just because my brother is a fan of MU and I used to live nearby. However, like hello, I was the only one up watching the game! Haha (coz I couldn't sleep, of course). I’m not a football fanatic or anythin of that sort but I do watch a football game every once in a while. To sum up football in one sentence, through my eyes; football is a bunch of cute guys running around a field, chasing after a ball, scoring goals and getting injured every once in a while. But what do these players have in common; teamwork, dedication and the passion for the game.
I wonder why they don't stop the clock when someone is injured. And why do they even change players, even if its two minutes into overtime with the clock still ticking away? i dun get it, lads..

As confetti rains on the newly crowned champions of the UEFA champions league at 4.55 am in the morning, it was indeed a disappointing match for MU. And since I couldn’t sleep, I watched the game after half time.When Messi scored the second goal for Barcelona when there was only like 20 mins left, it was obvious that Barcelona owned the game. Man U weren't really up to their game this time. The fact that it was an away game didn't help them out much either. Maybe fate was just not on their side.

Ah well, cheer up lads… =D

It’s time to save up money to watch an MU game at good Old Trafford one day. Just for the sake of it all.=)